Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
