your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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