last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
