I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
