Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
