I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize