Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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