one two three fourrrrnication!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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