Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
