Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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