It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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