just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
