He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
