Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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