I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
