I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex