just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.