Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...