u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me