literally had 100 drinks last night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again