trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
