well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
