I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
