I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
