just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
