did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
