I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
