Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
