I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
