Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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