Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I faked an abortion last night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
