we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Randomize
