he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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