I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
