you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
