I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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