she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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