nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
