Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
