We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
