My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
