Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
