He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My life is pants optional.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
