yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My feet surprised me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
