Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
