You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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