Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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