I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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