i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
