im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
