Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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