Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
