Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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