It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
