I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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