By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
