If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you had me at cake vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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