I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
