i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Enjoy the penises
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
