and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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