16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So many bounce houses so little time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
