Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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