You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
is wine microwaveable?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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